profile I'm adyla & i'm 19. I don't plan to delete this blog for now. Although I won't be active here anymore. So please visit me in my new blog, thanks. goal To upgrade. To achieve. To graduate. With rainbow colours. archives November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 the tagboard
affiliates My Crazy Sister, Zimah My Beloved Cuzzie, Nina My Beloved Cuzzie, Nisa My Beloved Cuzzie, Tasha My Lovely Sister, Kak Rufi My Close Gf, Shimma My Bestie, Charlotte My Close Gf, Syafiqah My Close Gf, Ain My Loving Friend, Aqidah My Adorable Buddy, Kathy My Sweet Friend, Taufiq My Cute Classmate,Janice My Cute Classmate's BF,Eugene S'pore Poly Make-Up Artiste Club credits you can remove this if you don't have a conscience. i assure you i will not hunt you down. skin by: Jane |
Thursday, March 27, 2008 @ 10:02 PM
I'm gonna keep walkin' though it may seem far This pain that I feel. I will overcome. I know somewhere deep down inside. It's the pain that makes us strong. I could curse. I could shout. Take the easy way out. I'll forgive you some how. I'm gonna keep walkin' though it may seem far. I'm gonna keep prayin' when life gets too hard. Not gonna let this bring me down. I'll take the high road. I'm gonna keep climbin' 'till I see the top. I'm gonna keep tryin' though I may get lost. Not gonna let this bring me down. I'll take the high road. @ 8:35 AM
fearing of making the same mistake I feel so nervous, When I think of yesterday. How could I let things, Get to me so bad? How did I even let things get to me? I wanted to be so perfect you see, I wanted to be so perfect . - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Some already know but maybe to those who don't. In my previous post, the girl i was talking about is me. It was like i was debating against myself. Maybe this is how people feel when they have to deal with rejection. Maybe this is why there are some people out there who don't dare to fall in love again. I never understood why. I never understood why they would just take it for granted that there wouldn't be something better for them. But now I understand. Now I know. I made a mistake. And now I'm in that same position as those people. I worry I won't be able to confess to any other guy the next time. Fearing of making that same mistake. But maybe I'm wrong. I don't know. I think I just need time. I am still a girl. A girl tends to be sensitive and emotional about this kinda issues. Wednesday, March 26, 2008 @ 10:39 AM
all she needs is your guidance, especially now Imagine this conversation I had with a girl I know very well- She was smiling. Me : "So what was it that you wanted to tell me?" Girl: "I have very good news. Alhamduillah, a good friend I know of is going to be with a good man." Me: "Oh, but how did you know? Did they tell you?" Girl: "No. I found out about it on my own. By gathering little evidences here and there. Maybe it was wrong of me to do that. But everything seemed to fit in, just like a puzzle." Me: "But I thought you also have found a man for yourself?" Girl :"Oh, about that. It seems he had another girl already in mind. I discovered." Me: "But is it really ok with you? You know, you have been doing the Solat Istikharah and you was so sure of yourself that he was the one. I thought it was what you really wanted?" Girl: "You know me well. And I can never fool you because then it may seem as if I'm lying to myself. I admit that it hurts. Its very painful. All this while, I thought I was strong. But it seems that I'm wrong. I hope God forgives me." Me: "Does he know that you know? About the girl, how did you know about her?" Girl: "I told him I know. I told him that its not his fault that he wasn't able to tell me. No matter how I want it to be my way, I know I should put myself in his shoes. He was in a dilemma. That girl, is someone I know. She is a friend. Like i said, i discovered. Everything seemed to be pointing to the same direction." Me: "But how can he do this to you?! You are hurt and you are just going to let this go? You have all the right to remain angry at him. Since you were the last to know." Girl: "No, I didn't wish to tell him straight about how I was feeling, even now. I told him using the nicest words possible. I don't plan to tell my friend about how I feel either. I don't want to make them worried. There are a couple of reasons why. Firstly, I was interfering them who were going to build a family. Secondly, I had already said to myself, if he is not for me, then maybe God has something better. Thirdly, I should not be selfish and put myself in his shoes. Lastly, I don't want to steal, take away something so precious from that girl, my friend. I've seen her change for the better, maybe this is her reward." Me: "But you changed too. Didn't you? You've repented and you still are." Girl: "Yes, but maybe that reward was in a form of something else. I got that tuition job didn't I? That came to me unexpectedly. Alhamdulillah, I still remember what he taught me. To accept whatever's given. That's why I was attracted to him, he was helping me indirectly." Me: "So what are you going to do now? I don't trust you if you say that you're happy, u know." Girl: "Well then you have to. Because what I'm going to do next is to pray for their happiness. Can't you see? This is my test from God. No matter how much it hurts, I have to accept it." Me : "And so you have to be patient? Well yes, I agree. But how are you going to face them now? Him and your friend?" Girl : "It would be uneasy at first, of course. And the way we're going to interact might be different, I don't know. But it feels better now that I know the truth. Alhamdulillah, God revealed it to me before it would get any worse. Still, I just wished he should have told me earlier. Maybe I could have handled it even better." Me : "I just want to let you know that I am already happy for you now. Because you were trying your best to handle this situation. It makes me even proud to know that you're even more focused to please Allah." We ended the conversation with silence because I know she needed time on her own, just thinking to herself. Convincing that what happened is just fate. I watched her gazing out the window, smiling. It was still that same smile earlier, but this time it was accompanied with tears. Oh Allah, no matter how much she smiles infront of others, I know she's crying inside. She is still weak in her iman and all she needs is your guidance, especially now. I know she is trying her best. Please help her, make her stronger. I'm confident she will be able to overcome this. Insya-Allah... @ 12:35 AM
reassurance It feels very painful to kind of discover that the person you wanna be with might be with someone you know. You don’t know if its true yet you wait to be told or discover the whole truth on your own. Little by little it feels like that is the way it is, by piecing up little evidences. You tell no one else, except yourself. But a part of you holds back, telling you not to believe it. But a part of you just needs proof or an explanation before deciding whether its correct. And no matter how hard you try to console yourself, you know you're just running away. Running away to accept the facts. But if its not true, then you'll feel relief. Cause all you need is the reassurance from that someone you want to be with. However, what if you discover or the truth is told a little too late. Then, you're not sure whether that same little heart can take it. When all this while you keep telling yourself you're gonna be strong. Yet, you're wrong. *But Allah will be there Monday, March 24, 2008 @ 11:49 PM
Didn't Realise How Busy This Week Is Gonna Be I spent almost 3 days trying organising my iTunes library. I had approximately 1400 songs. Renaming and finding the artwork. Other than that I was also downloading some new tracks, lectures and videos, thus the system kept lagging behind. Phew. Needed loads of patience. But Alhamdulillah, now its done so i feel better. I have kind of a lot of activities to do this week. Return library books, need to go to school for some collection of cd i reserved, attend the MAC event, hang out with the girls, go ngaji (night religious class), meet Charlotte and Shimma for Shimma's b'day, go out with my cousin and work. Its about 2-3 weeks left before school starts. Finally. It gets kinda boring when you keep staying at home all the time. But believe me, when it starts I'll start to miss the holidays. ahaha.. Typical me. I was watching this video by UmmahFilms from youtube, i seriously like his videos, the guy's name is Baba Ali, very funny yet very useful reminders. Some words that he said made me think again, and I hope others who read might think about it too: "...The truly pious are the ones who see the best in everyone, while they consider themselves the worse. Because when you consider yourself the worse, then you can't feel any superior than anyone. Always remember that no matter how successful we become, we will still have faults like everyone else. And there's always room for improvement..." I believe that what he says is very true. I admit that there are times that I look down upon people who doesn't seem to be good or just gossip too much. Or, their appearance makes me think that they're not the type who would be a good person to talk to. You know like those people who have tattoos or piercings here and there or hair dyed other than black. When I used to work at Balithai Restaurant, there used to be this girl who was about 2 years older than me. She had a nose stud and her hair had streaks of orange. The first look made me think she was just another typical minah, a girl who might probably doesn't care about her future. Doesn't even smile and was always talking to the guys there. But. I was wrong. When we chatted for a while, I realized she was just another girl-next-door. Her appearance may be wild, but she told me honestly that she doesn't go clubbing, she doesn't drink and she doesn't have a tattoo. She said she dropped out of secondary school to help her family, since she was the oldest, because she had a lot of siblings (I don't remember how many). She admits that people did ask her along, to go clubbing and stuff but she always rejected. Her reason was? "I don't like to be involved in that kind of activities that would just waste my time and that I would regret eventually." She continues by saying that she has been thinking of repenting, changing her appearance and she has even signed up for religious night classes. She's moving at a slow pace but hopefully she will repent fully. In my heart, I was like woah.. So much for thinking that she was just another typical minah. In conclusion, I think from now on I should not judge a person before I get to know them. No matter what they look like or how they treat me or others. Also, to stay away from being arrogant, I should see the best in everyone. Hope that whoever reads this may benefit from it. Saturday, March 22, 2008 @ 2:28 PM
still waiting I finally went to visit the doctor yesterday before my skin problem(Eczema) becomes wild all over again. Surprisingly, when i went over to my grandma's place, some of my relatives were having a small birthday party. Ahahaha..We didn't have any presents, since ya, we didn't know. But the cake was really delicious. Chocolate. Yummy.. My mind and feelings has been pretty much occupied with something that i can't really tell in full details here. Thus, it explains the reason why my previous post seemed to be kinda..emotional. I have come to a part of my life where I have to decide my plans for my future. This comes from a part of an article online: "We control our actions, but not our destination. We command our intentions, but not our fate. But that's what ALLAH wants for us: good actions accompanied with noble intention - the secret recipe that carried the master-key to success in this temporal life, and the eternal abode." So basically, since the day that I made a confession, I've been putting all my trust in God, and believing that God knows whats best for me. Doing the Solat Istikharah, i really wish that HE will give me the patience and strength when i receive the signs or the answer. Its either a yes or a no. And both has their own disadvantages and advantages. I want to take care of you because I know you can take care of me to be closer to God. I know its complicated and sometimes I wonder if its all just gonna be a mistake. However, I see my future with you and after that day when I confessed, I suddenly felt motivated to do Solat Sunat either before or after the Fardhu prayers. I can only plan while God decides. If all goes well, Insya-Allah, i'll be with you. Forever. Thursday, March 20, 2008 @ 2:49 PM
a note to Allah Ya Allah.. Jika dia jodohku, kau permudahkanlah. Dan jika bukan, kau jauhkanlah dia dariku. Dan jika perasaan ini, menyayanginya keranamu, kau bantulah kami. Dan jika ianya kerana nafsu semata, kau jauhkanlah ia dari kami. Aku akan menyintainya kerana agama yang ada padanya, jika dia hilangkan agama dalam dirinya, justeru, hilanglah cintaku padanya. Wednesday, March 19, 2008 @ 6:58 PM
MAC stuff I think i'm going to miss my club's booth since the first-yrs enrolment period is over. (finally..)  Our booth is just next to the exit door.FYI, i did that sign-frame of the club's name. hehehe  Here is (from left) Sock Hoon and Amalina. The two sleepy ladies on that day.Actually, i also became sleepy later on. See the black cloth behind them? There's actually a small area hidden behind it And there were two chairs. So i slept inside there.  A not so good-looking picture taken since Sock Hoon's nose peeking at the side.I actually just wanted to show the what the room was like.  Despite having a presentable booth at the front,this is actually what it looks like from behind. Sweet wrappers and a hanging tape on a table.  I took this picture of Sock Hoon behind the black cloth.And she actually likes this picture very much. I only like the look of the coloured lights though.  With the black cloth raised.Next club event: Need to do makeup for a Coprate shoot in school. Wow. Its gonna be my first time.. Monday, March 17, 2008 @ 10:53 PM
just take a moment; reflect I found this article very meaningful: http://www.iluvislam.com/v1/readarticle.php?article_id=934 Which was why i used part of it in my intro to the blog. Coz i want to remind myself, and others who may have forgotten. But this sentence really hit me - Every second of our day is either utilized or wasted, and it's a chunk of our lives ostracized. It made me reflect on what i've been doing. Yes, i do pray, but the effort is not enough. The concentration is not really there. And sometimes i feel as if im one of the worse people alive. Because, i get lazy too easily, i know the benefits of going the extra mile to perfect my prayers, my iman, but i always say later or..one day i'll do it. And that one day doesn't seem to be getting any nearer. And i feel i've just wasted a day, yet again. I remember God from time to time, but i don't think thats enough. Seriously, i need to wake up and start working hard. Be it for this world or hereafter. @ 12:18 AM
My Weekends Wasn't As Boring As i Thought It Would My weekends started with meeting up with my malay girlfriends, there was Ain, Syafiqah and Shimma among the normal six of us. Other than that, i get to meet some old secondary schoolmates as they were schooling in M.I too. Same as Shimma and Syaf. It was a pleasant period for me coz i felt as if i do belong somewhere when i wasn't really heart-to-heart close to them back then, during the secondary school days. Desert at delifrance was really yummy and what made it even better was that Ain decided to pay for all of us. Hehe. But seriously, it was really nice of her. We talked about a lot of stuff, especially on a particular topic. But i don't feel as if i have the right to actually say anything here, so..i'l just let it be. Coz i know and i believe that everything happens for a reason. So i just hope for the best. That night, Shimma and I went to Assyakirin Mosque to stay overnight there. My ustaz mentioned about a Qiyam that was gonna happen the following early morning, he encouraged to go so i felt i should. Coz lately for the past weeks, i did felt that i was missing something. Then i realised, i missed going to the mosque. The last time I went was, Ramadhan last year. That was soo long ago to me. So I felt that it was just the right timing to go. Even thought we slept late that night, I felt happy to be there. To be able to encourage another friend to go, also we talked a lot. But we never really talked about guys or relationships. We were deep in discussion about religious matters, because I've been reading this book about how to concentrate during prayer and I was really excited to share it with her. Other than that, we also spoke about a particular topic that we girls had discussed earlier that day. It may sound boring to some, but i feel thankful that i do have friends who are willing to meet each other even though i wasn't really a great friend back then. Friday, March 7, 2008 @ 10:36 PM
time flies by fast Time really flies by fast huh. Previously, i just started work in the library, i mean like halfway. But now, today, was the last day of work. Am i sad? Not really. But of course visiting the main library wouldn't be the same again, since it would definitely bring back memories of the work. Reclassing, rearranging and reshelving the books. There were those really really old books, majorly dusty definitely.I feel thankful that i won't have to face them again. Phew! The last few days of work, Kathy and I kept borrowing and returning music Cds, exchanging songs through thumbdrive, borrowing almost up to 10 books! (Especially me actually) Well it is the library, what do you expect, we could find the best books and reserved it for ourselves then borrow it later. Muahahaha.. Same goes to the music Cd's. The library staff even gave us the chance to book whichever music Cd that they recently bought! All i can remember is that booked recent albums of Britney, Leona Lewis and Sugababes. To end of this post i would like to share some pics of working there: .jpg) Here is Kathy being who sits beside me during work. Amalina is just beside her on the right,nearby. .jpg) Some of the books were just so dusty, we were given those to wear since a lot of people were sneezing non-stop. But of course, we didn't use it all the time. Since there were of course other normal and newer books to do. Well i have some other pictures, but i don't plan to share all since i feel kinda lazy now to continue. Sleepy.. To be exact. Well. That's all.. |